Sad smile
by demonlilly16
Summary: GerIta oneshot! The sun was shining too brightly that day. The streets, filled with life, were too happy. Everything seemed to be perfect for Feliciano, to visit his beloved Ludwig. He knew he could face him now, and show him a sad, but true smile.


Feliciano walked out of the house. His face was surprisingly serious, as he held a bouquet in his pale hand. He put his cheerful self away for now, he didn't want to wear that mask today. He quietly walked down the road and stared at the too colorful, happy life of the street. He knew, he should be happier. He was going to visit his beloved Ludwig, after all. They haven't met a long time ago. He wanted to tell the German too many things at once, and he was sure, Ludwig had things to tell him as well. But this wasn't right. Feliciano couldn't say a word when he was near his love. Those words, he wanted to say, was drowning him, like rough, salty water. He remembered how it was last time. His feelings suffocated him, they clawed him and found his weak spots. He couldn't help, but run away. But this time was different. He felt that it is. Everything seemed now calmer, not that tensing. And he convinced himself to be brave, and face the German.

He was completly lost in his thoughts when he realized, he got there. He stepped inside the big, metal gates and noticed Ludwig. The German wasn't facing him, but he could have seen how the gently wind caressed the blond's hair. Feliciano have seen in his piercing blue eyes, that he was careworn. The Italian walked closer and sat down on the warm ground, in front of the German. The sun was irritatingly bright. Feliciano used to love these days, because it gave the whole world warmness. But now, he hated it. It brought back something, he wanted to hide from everyone and it made his stomach tremble. He looked at Ludwig and quietly greeted him.

"Long time, no see, Luddy."

Not even a word came as an answer from the Geman. He was still staring at an old tree, with blank eyes. He was so distant to the Italian, yet he was right in front of him.

"I hope you're doing well. Because I don't really, to be honest. I really missed you, you know. And I also miss the old times, when we spent more time together. Do you remember them? When we first met?" Feliciano chuckled, and looked at the German, with a sad smile. He shook his head, probably to tell himself how stupid his question was. Of course he didn't remember. He silenty gazed at Ludwig when he began.

"I remember how it was. Every single moment I've spent with you. We met at high school. We went with the same bus on the first day. You seemed to find me annoying and too cheerful. But I found you interesting but a bit scary, though. But then, it turned out, we share the same classes. I'd have annoyed you, till the classes end and then go home. I really have no idea how, but eventually, we became best friends." He told, glaring the ground. He didn't get response from Ludwig, the worried German was still not looking at him. It bothered Feliciano, but he didn't want to complain. It was enough to see his beloved one. Shyly, he tilted his head up, eyeing the serious German.

"And do you remember, when you asked me out?" He started, not expecting answer from Ludwig. He began saying it.

"One day, you walked to me. Your cheeks were completely red, you were really embarrassed. You muttered 'I love you.' to me, and I said I loved you too, as an answer. Then you said, no, I don't only love you as a friend and then... and then you kissed me. I was really surprised. Not because you kissed me, but because I've never expected you to kiss me. I thought you only like me as a friend, but fortunately, I was wrong. I kissed you back. I really like that kiss. I remember every single moments of it. And then we started to go out. We went on dates, kissed, hugged, cuddled. I enjoyed everything of it. I really liked to be your boyfriend." He finished, trying to hide the huge teardrop, that appeared in his eye. Ludwig was still not paying attention. But Feliciano continued.

"And I still perfectly remember that night. When we first made love. You were really awesome. My heart still began to beat faster if I think about it." The Italian could've seen Ludwig's lips curl up in a weak smile. Though, it didn't happen in real life. It made Feliciano's heart ache, as now, he wasn't trying to hide his tears anymore.

"I remember every single moment, I spent with you. And I loved them. You were with me in trouble and in happiness, you always protected me. I love you Ludwig. I really do love you. And I can't tell you much I do." He buried his tear covered face in his hand. He sobbed and looked right at the German. The bouquet was still in his hand, he tried not drop it. With his free hand, he reached his small pocket and pulled out a creased paper.

"S-see this, Ludwig? I... still have this." He sobbed and opened the paper, carefully. "D-d-do you want me... to read it o-out loud?" He asked and wiped out the tears of his eyes, making his vision clear. "But I-I'm not s-sure if I can do it..." He let out a desperate chuckle and looked at the paper. The writing, inside it, was making him cry, even more. When he finally calmed down, after a few, long minutes, he took a peek at the first line of the letter. He began to read it out loud.

_'Dear Feliciano._

_ If you're reading this, I'm most likely to be dead. I really hoped you will never read this. But I failed at this war. I couldn't stop the enemy. I'm sorry Feliciano for not coming back. You know, if I'd have made it, and came back home, I'd have married you. I'd have bought you that house, that you really liked. I'd have treated you like you're the most precious thing ever. Because you are. I'm sorry, I couldn't have the chance to told, you how much I love you. But I don't have it anymore. Feliciano, you are the most important thing to me. You are the best thing that happened in my life, I'm really thankful for you, loving me. I'm really sorry for not being there for you, in the rest of your life. I hope you will be doing well, I really do. Live long, my love, and don't forget how to smile. _

_With love, your Ludwig.' _

He red the writing out loud. He stopped at parts, because he was crying that hard, that he could barely speak. Big teardrops covered the piece of paper and Feliciano was still gripping it, strongly.

The sun was still shining above him, too annoying, by his judgement. He looked at Ludwig's gravestone, stepped closer, and gently placed the big bouquet in front of it. He bent down and stroked his lover's name, gently. He wiped away all of his tears, and tried to smile, once again. He found it hard, but he did it. He did it for Ludwig. The German must have been happy to see smile again. It was a true smile, but a sad one. Small tears were still resting at the corner of his eyes, but he was smiling. He stood up and silently gazed the gray gravestone for a few minutes. After he did it, he looked up the baby blue sky, with tears flowing down on his cheeks. But he was still smiling. The clouds flew away, from his eyes, but that depressed brightness was still there. He watched two birds, chasing each other, on the infinite blue heaven. They seemed happy, too happy. It reminded Feliciano of him and Ludwig. They were so happy, it made Feliciano cry, again. But lastly, he decided to look at his love's grave and gently brushed his fingers on in.

"Don't worry Ludwig. I didn't forget how to smile." He said, and a last tear, dropped down on the ground.


End file.
